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Wednesday, December 01, 2010

No Roses=Neglectful Parenting???

The Nutcracker is coming up soon. At the Dance Studio, there is a box with flyers next to it to BUY YOUR DANCER A DOZEN ROSES. The drop box for the forms is quite large, and there are huge stacks of forms next to the box. So every time I walk by it, I think to myself, "Am I being a neglectful parent by not buying roses for Nora when she is in the Nutcracker?".

Several people have asked me if I'm going to buy roses and the answer is no.

Roses need to be saved for very, very special star performances. For instance, if Nora is 9 or 10 and has a solo performance, then roses would be appropriate.

Sometimes I think these gifts to kids at such a young age does a disservice. I think the same of having preschool graduations with pomp and circumstance. Something about doing graduation 3 times before high school takes the special-ness out of the high school one. One would think, right? I know high school graduation felt darn special....for myself and my family. Do preschoolers or kindergarteners really appreciate the depth of a dozen roses? And do preschoolers really understand the depth of a graduation ceremony?
I tend to think no. But then, who am I to judge? I just know that Nora wouldn't know what to do with a dozen roses. I think I"ll take her for some ice cream instead-something that I know WILL bring a smile to her face.


Photo is an archive one...taken from an old memory card we just found!


Anonymous said...

I agree. This goes right along with buying a "treat" at the checkout of the grocery because your child only acted up once and not 3 times. Society today encourages us to reward them for being "normal" which leaves you no room to reward the extraordinary things they will accomplish! Well said.

The Yellow Porcupine said...

As someone with no children, I can offer an objective p.o.v.: over-rewarding kids is a big mistake; the reward should match the accomplishment. If it's roses for a small part, they become meaningless for the lead - what do you give them then? A Toyota Corolla? Reward = accomplishment. I'm with you all the way on this one. Additional parenting advice is available just down the road.

Zoya, Patrick, Nora and Stuart said...

Great replies-thanks!
I agree with the "not rewarding them for being normal" as well as the reward matching the accomplishment. I liked the "Toyota Corrolla" part!
Both are such true important parenting principles.
Ok..I"m definitely feeling good about my no roses decision!!

Catherine West said...

I love this post, Zoya - I grew up in a house where rewards were saved for big accomplishments, and it made them **soooo** special. It's not as if you're ignoring your kids the rest of the time - my parents were totally supportive and encouraging otherwise, and you are too.