After the intial shock of Roxy's diagnosis hit, we are gradually getting used to the idea that our time with Roxy is limited. She gets all the dish-licking privileges, extra attention and pets. Nora is good about making sure there is always a water bowl by her.
After I first found out of her diagnosis last Wednesday, I was surprised by how profound my sadness was. I think that since Roxy is 10+ years old and I knew on an intellectual level that she is going to die someday, I didn't expect to be so deeply upset.
I saw several clients at the coast guard base on Thursday mroning then started typing notes. As I tried to make the words on the screen matter, I thought of Roxy home alone and the tears choked up inside me and then I started crying-hard. Really hard. Mascara-running hard. I explained to the PT assistant about my sick dog and took the rest of the day off.
I"m so humbled and thankful by the kindness of friends during this time. On the day after Roxy's diagnosis, friends brought by food and drinks and even fun drawing things for the kids (food included apple pie, bread, cookies, adult beverages & smoked white king salmon-WOW!) . Far away friends wrote facebook messages and people shared their stories of their loved dogs and pets who had passed away.
My friend Elke recently went through the loss of a dog recently (also named Roxy!) and I called her to learn about what made it easier/harder and asked about what to expect. One thing she said during the course of the conversation was "Zoya, doesn't it feel good to feel pain and sadness? Its a gift and reminds us what its all about to be alive. To feel the highs AND the lows. Thats what being human is about. To be able to feel that grief."
Her words struck the right chord. And our friends and family reaching out makes the heartache a little more bearable.
As of now, Roxy, is more comfortable on better pain meds. She occasionally wags her tail with joy and is still able to go in and outside. Yesterday she wanted to lay in whichever room we are in, which we liked to see!
It seems like for now she is fairly comfortable. Its been good to see the kids settle into a new routine of caring with her and have really embraced the notion of giving her extra attention and making sure we do too!