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Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Holidays approaching & Life Cycles

Stuey's first grade teacher LOVES teaching about life cycles of plants and animals. Many of the projects that he brings home is about life cycles, which I just adore. I'm reminded that death is such a huge part of the life cycle and it makes Roxy's loss a hair easier for me to comprehend. 

The holidays are quickly approaching and thus far I'm not feeling too frazzled!

Today I came home and listened to the phone messages on my landline. There was a message from someone I didn't know saying that they were referred to PT by a doctor off island and all the clinics are full for weeks. The gal heard I was a Physical Therapist and was wondering if I was taking any new clients. This scenario has been happening at least once a week lately at A Balanced Approach and it makes me bummed out to think of people in pain, needing PT and not being able to get in quickly to get treated. All the clinics are booked full.

 In 1 month the new physical therapist, Kelsea, will be joining my physical therapy practice and I'm very excited about it-giddy, actually! Kelseas' upcoming arrival is kind of a hazy dream-like something that seems too good to be true. An event which I'm not letting myself get completely excited about until she is actually here! When Kelsea and I text or call back and forth about her Kodiak move, I always have a smile on my face afterwards and a sense of peace. She is so excited to come to Kodiak and start working shortly after the new year.

The past few weeks I had some TMJ  (jaw) pain on one side and it wasn't resolving. I e-mailed my massage therapist and went in for a visit over the weekend. He did some jaw/face massage and  showed me what stretch to do for my lateral pterygoid muscles~its 90% resolved now.  The whole experience gave me an appreciation for how nice it is to be able to get in quickly with your practitioner of choice and made me extra happy that Kelsea is arriving in a few weeks to A Balanced Approach.

I still miss Roxy terribly.

The grief comes in occasional waves and I get heartbroken that I won't see her again. Nora and I went for a walk to Ft. Abercrombie with Tank and Jake last weekend.  We had a good discussion about missing Roxy and how Roxy would stay nice and close to us on walks. Nora got a little teary toward the end of the walk and I could see it was a healing moment for her.

Friends have written condolence cards and today I got a card from the vet expressing their condolences. I expected that the vet clinic would send a card, but I thought it would be a mass produced card. Well, it wasn't. The staff wrote such nice notes about how Roxy was so lucky and well loved. And how she was lucky to have a family who loved her so much. I could tell the staff put some time into their heartfelt words, which made the card even that more heart felt to me.

A week after Roxy's death, I went into the clinic to get her ashes. The vet tech behind the desk saw me when I came in, and retrieved a small beautiful wooden box from behind the desk and handed it to me with a caring look on her face. The tears welled up inside of me and I was barely able to mumble a "Thank you" without getting too emotional. The tech gave a sincere, kind understanding nod and I walked out back to my car.

As I drove away in the rain, I called Patrick. "I got Roxy's ashes. It was harder than I thought. (Pause, tears) They put her ashes in a nice wooden box.(pause, tears, breath) I thought it would be a plastic bag in a cardboard box. It makes it harder that they're in a nice box." Patrick said, "Oh Zoya...Thats hard" and we shared the moment together. He has been through this before with Katie dog years ago and understood how hard it is.

I"m continually humbled by peoples pet stories of loss...and reminded that it IS a big loss. I let myself be sad and welcome that sadness.

I think the part that chokes me up is that I really won't see her again.  Writing that seems really cliche, but the reality that she won't look up at me with her sweet little eyes and wag her tail breaks my heart. Or lay on the lawn waiting for me outside when I pull up into the driveway. Roxy was incredibly loyal and dedicated to our family.


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