N & S moments

Stuey turns 5 in a month and he is having moments where I look at him and realize he is growing quickly out of his little boy phase, as he asks questions about the world and pushes himself harder with tasks.

Lately he has asked "when we will die?". Not sure how this came about, as we haven't been particularly talking about death. Am thinking at preschool they talk about the death of jesus christ, perhaps? In any case, it is on his mind. I tell him, "in a long, long time". I don't remember Nora ever asking much about death, seems to be more his thing lately.

"BAD YOU"
Sometimes when Stuey gets upset with his he puts on the meanest face he can and says, "Bad You". This happens if I've put one of his toys in time out or taken a sticker off his sticker chart. The other day when visiting his grandma in Homer, she had to take something out of his hand and she promised that once he was nice again she would give it back to him. She left the room and Stuey put on his mean face and he said, "Bad Grandma". I said, "stuey, thats not nice" but was holding back laughter. Sometimes when he says, "Bad You" it's so funny, that it's hard to not laugh.

When he gets pouty I tell him, "stuey, I don't want to see anyone smiling or having a good time." Then he puts on an adorable smile and I say, "What? Are you smiling? Are you having a good time?". That seems to help break his bad mood.

NORA
Evenings have been riddled with hard moments for Nora. The hardest time of day is bathtime-she is so tired from school and often just yells at me. Things like, "Mom-I don't want to go to bed. I don't want to take a bath right now!". Frankly, its exhausting to be the recepient of such tired, negative energy. Often I have to take a moment and walk away, and listen to her cries for me. Other times my visceral response is to raise my voice back, which doesn't do any good.

Last night, she apologized for her outburst, which was somewhat of a first. After bath, Patrick was reading to the kids and Nora said, "Sorry mommmy for getting mad". I replied, "thank you, Nora for telling me that. It is hard for me when you yell at me for no reason.". She has always been more challenging for me than Stuey in this regard-having verbal outbursts or crying that I have absolutely no control or understanding of. There is a lot of deep breath taking on my part when this happens. Last night I was talking with a girlfriend who remarked that her daughter (who is 6 months older than Nora) has recently outgrown her outbursts of a similar nature. This was re-assuring to hear.

There are moments where Nora is so mature and thoughtful, considerate of the feelings of others....and I have to give her lots of praises in the positive moments. If there is one thing I"ve learned over the years in my marriage and as a parent, it is to give lots of positives-to help counteract negative feedback. (I learned a few years ago that the ratio should be 10:1 for kids and 7:1 for adults...for every negative criticism, there should be 10 positives sprinkled throughout the day for kids and 7 for adults). The tough part is that when someone is being the most difficult, it is often when they need the most attention or praise, which can be very hard to do at times.

Zoya

Photos: Stuey and Nora in the window of our cabin as the ferry docks in Kodiak (those are the lights of Kodiak outside). Home at last! Dawn on the drive through the mountains while on the way back to Homer from Anchorage. The roads were pretty bad and there were some white knuckle moments - but the light on the mountains and snow on the trees was beautiful. Needless to say, but we did not want to do this drive at night! Another kids in Anchorage ski moment - kid down was a frequent occurence - next is 'pick the kid up again'.

A bear for the New Year

This afternoon Zoya and I went cross country skiing on Lake Genevieve and it was glorious - no wind and plenty of sun. And there were even some fresh bear tracks to enjoy. It looked like he/she was a small bear. Maybe a 3 year-old getting ready to spend their first winter away from momma. The bear walked almost all the way around the lake, and judging by how fresh the tracks are he/she probably finished the circuit of the lake early this morning. I bet the bear is just finishing up with the last of the spawning silver salmon in the nearby streams and will be in bed soon. Patrick

Bribing with M&M's

While in Anchorage, we took Nora to AMH (the local ski store) to get new cross country ski boots and the guy there who helped us was fabulous with Nora. The last pair of boots we got her was without her there (and at REI horror of horrors); a grave mistake we discovered. The boots were way too small. (fortunately her little brother can use them!)

The gentleman at AMH spent around 20 minutes getting Nora's foot size, finding the correct boot, then at the end he helped show HER how to unlace them. I sat and watched in amazement as he insisted she unlace the boots on her own. (That, I really liked.)

I asked him, "So do you have kids? You're so patient and helpful with Nora."

He replied with laughter, "Oh no. I don't have kids. I taught ski school for nearly 10 years and that was great birth control. I would have pockets full of M&M's to get the kids to do what we needed. The parents would come back after the lessons and wonder how it was that I got them to do all the activities so well. I would just smile and send the hyper kids off on their way with their parents at the end of the day. Here, I"m patient with kids because I'm paid to be."
He had a great sense of humor and I could tell that his patience was more than just being paid. He had a true knack in working with the wee ones.

The conversation brought a smile to my face, thinking about him with mobs of whiny kids in ski school....bribing them with M&Ms. He asked if we had Nora enrolled in a "ski program" here in Kodiak and I explained how there aren't even groomed trails here-no ski programs. I like that Nora and Stuey want to go skiing and ask to go skiing without any prompting from us. And when we are out, they work hard to keep up with us.


After a week on the mainland, we took the Kennicott Ferry home on an overnight trip back to Kodiak. The seas were predicted to be 8-10 feet, but it was virtually calm. Thank heavens! We all slept like babies and woke up at 8AM to arriving in Kodiak. The kids went into playing hard with all the toys and I went right into unpack and clean mode. Theres no place like home!

Zoya

The (sometimes) reality of skiing with kids

The light was so good the other evening when we went skiing on Potter's Marsh that I just had to add a few more photos from that trip. We did go again today but the light was not so good.

It is HARD to take the kids cross country skiing. They fall down all the time and need to be picked up and their hands get cold (esp on days like today when it is 5 degrees out). Gear on, gear off - It seems to takes FOREVER for just a few moments actually skiing. But hey, they WANT to go skiing. So it is all worth it. I will put up with whining and cold hands and a sore back from picking them up as long as they want to go skiing. I desperately want my kids to enjoy skiing. And right now they do seem to enjoy skiing. Whoo Hoooo.

Our Anchorage experience has been lots of skiing, IHOP breakfasts and good meals at our cousin's Will and Beth's house (where we have been staying). Everyday, Zoya and I plan out our workouts so that one takes care of kiddos while the other goes skiing or does Powerflex weight training. I have been skiing mostly classic style and doing the Spencer loop as often as I can. This is the part of the Tour of Anchorage race course that always beats me up badly - so I have been trying to learn the loop as well as I can. Yesterday I did it twice!

Patrick and Zoya

Skiing Potters Marsh

Today we took the kids skiing at Potters Marsh-just a 3 minute drive from where we are staying with family. The conditions couldn't were spectacular-sun was setting over Turnagain arm, a train was stalled on the railroad, the air was crisp and cold, and there was a nice trail through the marsh. Just beautiful light - hard to take a bad photo.

We have enjoyed meals at Spenard Roadhouse-the kids love the kids menu which has popcorn on it. Today Stuey enjoyed popcorn as an appetizer AND dessert. Who wouldn't want popcorn before and after dinner?

Patrick and Zoya

Trip to The Mainland

Yesterday we left on the M/V Tustemena for Homer. The trip was overall smooth; Nora didn't get seasick, which she normally does even with dramamine. Stuey reacted quite sensitively to the dramamine- he was sleeping sitting up during dinner. Fortunately he was able to stay awake enough to chow down a grilled cheese and fries!

Evidently the seas were quite large, as the ferry took an alternate route along Shelikof Strait, as opposed to going towards Homer exposed to the gulf of alaska. This took about 2 hours longer, but the kids slept until arrival!

Here in Homer Nora and Stuey had a blast playing with all of their cousins. Ages range from 5-21! Quite the mix of fun silly energy. Patrick, Mike, Bern, Todd and myself all went skiing in the thick snow.

Pictures:
Patrick and myself after skiing.
Todd and Mike on the trail skiing today.
My nephew Kellen with the quilt I made him for his first year at college.
Bonnie graciously and patiently cut Stuey's hair. He was WAY overdue for a haircut! Stuey liked all the paparazzi attention that was involved...
Dining room shot on the ferry.

A Hearty Christmas Day

Yesterday was a cold, crisp day. Patrick and I went skiing by ourselves in shifts on Lake Genevieve in the mid day.
Some Christmas Day fun surprises:
-As I drove to go skiing, I went by two runners going at a good clip alongside the road. They both wore Santa Hats!
-We got an unexpected Christmas phone call from Patricks stepbrother who is visiting Africa. I spoke with him briefly before the connection was lost. We haven't spoken with him for a long time.
-In the morning, I got a text at 7:00 AM from my sister Anne~ her 10 year old daughter, Sonya, opened the quilt that I had made for her. Anne texted that "Sonya loved it and wanted to bring it with her when she goes to college". This was the perfect way to start the day-with thoughts of Sonya enjoying her new quilt.

We enjoyed dinner with a group of friends who all brought dishes to share. There was enough protein to go around; elk roast, prime rib AND turkey. It was an Atkins Holiday.

Today we clean and pack and leave for Homer on the ferry this evening for a 1 week trip to the Mainland. Looking forward to seeing family, friends and a road trip to Anchorage!

Zoya

Photos: Dinner last night...group photo and serving up the meal. Kids table.
My sister Anne (right) and my niece, Sonya , with the quilt I made. Anne sent the photo yesterday after Sonya opened it.

Some Thanksgiving on Christmas

The past several days I put our Thanksgiving video footage and pictures into imovie to make a short movie of our family trip to Arizona. This serves as the on-time part of my "Merry Christmas" gift to Emmy and Polly...my wonderful in-laws!! They are out East in Maine for Christmas.
Patrick's sister, Polly, is the one with whom we spent thanksgiving with. It is always fun to make a movie, as watching the footage brings back so many great memories.

Zoya

Day before Christmas

This morning we awoke to cold temps in the 20s. Perfect weather for skiing and a bit of sledding. After a little last minute "santa" shopping, Patrick and I drove to Lake Genevieve, near coast guard housing. In the car, I contemplated not going (suddenly felt cold) and said, "Its so cold out. I could just take a nap in the car and you go skiing." In no time flat, Patrick had me persuaded to go out for a quick ski. The conditions were better than I imagined they would be. A minimal amount of snow stuck on the ice.

As we skiied along the snow covered ice, Patrick showed me the worn path under old snow where possibly a family of otters was walking along the ice. It looked like something had been drug on it. Thats the part of skiing with Patrick that I appreciate here-noticing these nuances in nature. It was lovely to have the quiet of the lake to ourselves. A few white rabbits scampered along the side of the lake as well.

Over the years, I have learned to enjoy the "unperfect" ski conditions. As my balance has improved on skis I"m less frusturated by windblown ice areas which we must navigate across to get to the snow. Its the challenge of the snow conditions which makes it that much more rewarding. When we nagivate our way up and down ungroomed hills or have to remove our skis several times to get on trails, it makes the flat-aways that much more rewarding. If I go with notions or expectations of what the experience will be like, then there is room for disappointment...as opposed to working with whatever conditions are presented to us and enjoying the time together.

Zoya

Photos:
Our neighbor, Matt, pushing the kids down the mini sled hill in our yard.
SLedding!
Skiing on Lake Genevieve. Mt. Barometer in background.

Ice, Ice, Baby

Today I went up the mountain with Andy S. Beautiful light and snow draped landscapes, but the skiing was pretty awful. If I had wanted great skiing I would have stuck to the skate skiing for which the conditions are perfect right now. But occasionally I do like to head up the hill and try my luck on the slopes. And if you don't go downhill here and there throughout the season - then you are not practiced and physically ready for the times later in the season when the conditions are perfect. Basically you have to pay the piper and ski on ice in order to truly enjoy a sublime ski later in deep powder or on spring corn snow.

Today I paid the price. Still, I did enjoy the spectacular views and good conversation with Andy on the way up. I'd do the same again in a heartbeat . Today, only the skiing was bad - everything else was GREAT.

Patrick

Celebrating the Return of the Sun

This year we decided to host a Winter Solstice Party. The day couldn't have been more perfect for it. It was sunny, clear and a crisp 30 Degrees outside.

In the late afternoon, Patrick fired up the fire pit and the wood stove inside the house. Mark, our visiting friend, fired up the Banya and I put together a playlist of tunes and got things ready for people coming over.

Around 50 people came and it was so much fun to visit with everyone. The kids did great-running around playing with other kids. Stuey occasionally streaked through the kitchen. At the end of the evening the kids ended up getting into the dress-up bin, so we'd see flashes of kids in alligator costumes and such running by. I was in heaven because from 5:30-9:30, Nora and Stuey were in totally happy either outside by the fire pit, or playing and running around with the other kids in attendance.

At 10:00pm after everyone had gone and the kitchen was cleaned up, I went and enjoyed a quiet banya by myself. Even without adding water to the rocks, the temperature was 150 deg. The heat permeating from the rocks and wood benches fed my soul on such a cold, crisp winter solstice night.

It was a great way to celebrate the return of the sun; in the company of my family and fabulous friends.

Zoya

Truth and White Lies

Truth:
1. Conformity to fact or actuality.
2. A statement proven to be or accepted as true.
3. Sincerity; integrity.
4. Fidelity to an original or standard

Truth vs. white lies; its a complex topic. What harm is there in a little white lie once in a while? This subject that came up recently with a discussion with a friend about having to tell white lies to her in-laws about her husbands whereabouts. It brought on a whole new thread of thought and discussion.

Why do people lie? Its because they are afraid of the response or consequence of the information. There are definitely moments with kids where it would be so easy to say a little white lie, but then one leads to another, which leads to another.

If you know that the people around you will accept you for who you, no matter what information you have to share, the world will be a safer feeling place.
A big part of truth is accepting the truth. I believe this is the more challenging component of truth; accepting it without judgement or harm. The truth isn't always what you want to hear. As quotes from characters in movies say, "You can't handle the truth".

If you always tell the truth then your words carry more integrity with others.

Over my time with Patrick, I have learned the importance of telling the 100% truth. When I first started dating Patrick, I believe I told more occasional white lies, but gradually over time I stopped. I appreciated that Patrick would tell me the truth and have learned how to handle the truth, as well as him with me. When it comes to feedback on clothing, politics, interpersonal topics, I have learned to fully accept his truth (as much as it sometimes hurts).

Tonight we discussed this with our houseguests, Mark and Amy at length. It seems that there is diplomacy vs. Truth. There are times when you can't speak fully outright in a public situation how you really feel, but this is diplomacy. An example would be if you are on a committee that has several split sides to it; you can't always come out and say how you feel about the other "side".

We agreed that in a family unit or husband/wife partnership there has to be full honesty so the unit can be strong as a "pack". We have to trust each other and trust that our responses to each other with information will be healthy. I want the kids to know that if they do something wrong, that they can tell me about it and it will be ok. For instance, if Stuey hit a ball through the neighbors window, I want him to trust that when he tells me I will handle the information with as much love and concern rather than outright anger.

I googled "When is it Ok to tell white lies to children" and there were MANY pages on the subject. Pages which covered all aspects of raising kids and the importance of truth telling.

It seems that we can teach kids to have good manners and be diplomatic and they won't ever have the need to tell white lies. Patrick and I were in strong agreement that white lies aren't good. In many ways Santa Claus and Easter bunny are white lies, but this is also in the arena of fantasy, which is an important part of kids development. To Patrick, lying about Santa Claus and Easter bunny gives him a moral dilemma.

The top picture was was taken in the first year of my relationship with Patrick. I was 24, he was 34. We broke up after he told me the hard truth that he didn't ever want to have kids. It killed me to hear this, as we really had a great relationship, but I knew I wanted kids. So we broke up for 2 months...and he ended up changing his mind on the matter with time. And I'm so glad he did!

Zoya

The bottom photo was taken in Barcelona Spain in October of 2010.